Category: Let's talk
If you cheat on your partner/lover/bf/gf, it's wrong. You're going to get caught out. The whole thing might explode in your own face.
However, is it also wrong to notice someone from the opposite sex?
E.g.: If you're engaged in a relationship, be it marriage, just dating, whatever, and a person from the opposite sex is around, is it wrong to notice that person and maybe feel a bit self-concious?
Does it mean your love for your own partner isn't strong enough?
well I think we need to make the distinction. after all, we're all human, and no one can say hand on heart that they would never find someone of the opposite sex attractive, even if they were in a relationship. However, I think that if your feelings for the other person begin to take over the feelings you have for your partner, then the love you have for your partner needs to be called into question. e.g. if when you are with your partner you are thinking of the other person, if you and your partner make love, do you think of the other person and try and imagine them in your partner's place, then it is a serious issue, however I think that if you just see the person, feel an attraction, think about them sometimes even, but still maintain the feelings for your partner, then all you are guilty of is having human reactions.
Very well said SugarBaby. My opinion is pretty much the same. People can't help noticing and sometimes being attracted to other people even if they are happy in their current relationship. It's what you choose to do about that attraction that is important. Some people don't value their partner enough and act on every attraction they feel for another person. Others choose to honor their partner and relationship and don't act on the attraction. An attraction for another person won't turn into love unless you try to get to know that other person better. If you just feel attracted and don't act on it, chances are you can stay happy in your current relationship.
But now the question arises: Do you always have control over your feelings?
Is it controlable when, while you're already in a relationship, you meet someone else and start to think about that person more than you should? If you start thinking about the new person more than what you think of your partner, is it your fault?
Are you supposed to control these feelings 100% of the time?
No we can’t always control our feelings, however, we can control whether or not we act on those feelings. If you start to have feelings for another person that have taken over the feelings that you have in your current relationship, then you need to stop and question what is missing in your current relationship. Invariably people cheat when there is something missing with their current partner, after all, if you are totally happy with a partner, you would resist the urge to cheat, thus potentially hurting the one that you are with.
i'll not pretend to be an expert on this issue because i'm not in a long term relationship but i would say that it isn't unusual to find other people attractive! that is just human nature i think! but as others have said, it's how you act upon those feelings that determine whether it is right or not!
i much prefer to be free and single! then i needen't worry about these moral dilemmas. *grin*
good topic, and I agree with SB!
see, you all thought I was going to say something crazy! grin
Well: I am very careful with other guys, and as I have a partner, I can say (and i am honest) I can control my feelings. I have not found any guy attractive since then. Okay, I was fun-flirting here on the zone but I did without feeling anything for these guys. Just for fun. I would be ashamed if I felt something for someone else because I would always imagine how it would feel te opposite way.
to me, when you enter into a relationship with someone, it is because you are attracted to them and feel that they are special enough to forfoot any other prospective dates. Your respect and admiration for your partner should mean that you don't watn to look else whare. That's not saying that it isn't ok to find qualities in other people attractive, but it is not ok, to then act on these feelings, and if you find yoruself wanting to act on them, then like clair said, you need to step back and look at yourself, and your relationship and work out what is lacking, or what about your currant relationship is unddesirable and is making you watn to go looking else ware.
Here's another question:
What happens if you're committed to your relationship, but your partner isn't?
Where do you go and look for the problem then? Obviously, if you're partner isn't really committed to the relationship, you're doing something wrong. To try and correct it, is one thing; but what if whatever you do doesn't matter to your partner?
Do you simply brake up and go apart?
well I guess that depends. if your partner doesn't want to be in the relationship any more then it is down to your partner to end the relationship, however, if you feel that you can no longer be with someone who isn't committed to you, then you may choose to leave, after all, if everything you try has no result, then it would be fairly pointless trying to re-kindle something that isn't there.
I personally don't find it wrong to find someone else attractive, but when you take action and begin to form a relationship with someone else while still in a relationship, then I find that horribly wrong. No relationship is perfect. There are going to be things you adore about the person and things that aren't so adorable, but the truth is everyone has flaws. If you find that you can live with the flaws that the person your with has then move on. (Unless your married to the person, then you should deal with it and make compromises, work with the other person ect.(unless it comes to abuse or something). Ultimately I would like to say that when your with the person you love then you shouldn't want to look anywhere else, but human hormones are human hormones and it is not always so easy. There are many reasons why people start thinking about someone more than they should. It's very easy to think that the grass is greener in someone elses pasture, to think of all of the things that you could have with someone else, something different than the same old thing that you may be experiencing in a relationship that you have been in for some time. Change is or can be an exciting thing and that could be an attraction point, it can make you start overanalyzing your current relationship forcing it to fall apart. No matter the reason, I find it completely wrong for some one to cheat. If you like someone, make a clean break with the person your in a relationship with before even getting into a "friendship" with someone else that you may and most likely do have feelings for. I think it could only cloud your judgement on your current relationship if you have two things going on at once and your not being fair to anyone in any of the relationships.
I would sit down and have a serious talk with my partner and try to find out if he is just attracted to someone else, in love with someone else, or if there are issues that don't have anything to do with a third party. I would suggest we go to couples counseling. If he refuses, or if we go and still he is not committed, then I would let him go and try to move on with my life.
This is a very interesting topic!!! One that I have personally experienced. As many of you know, I am a fun-loving flurt who enjoys having lots of fun!!! My fiance, on the other hand, is very reserved and shy. I'll never forget the first time I found a guy other than him attractive. I felt so horrible and told him right away. He was really cool about it and said that it would pass if I didn't act on it. Happily, he was right!!! Once I got to know him better, he was um, so blaah!!! I always ask myself what I find intriguing in the person and it is always the fact that they are so different from my fiance. But it's funny. As much as I find other people attractive, the attraction never lasts for more than a week. Once I talk to them more, the feeling goes away and I find that they are if not as, even more boring than my loverboy!!! I can never feel as comfortable sharing things with other males than I feel with my fiance. He is the best guy and I really do feel bad about being the type of person I am. But honey, if you ever were to read this, I would like to thank you for being so patient with me!!! I love you, Anh Thanh!!!
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